Anecdotes

It is actually 1:02 A.M. right now over at where I'm living. I'm supposed to sleep at 9:00 PM every night to wake up at 4:00 AM every morning, but I think everyone knows how those kind of resolutions work out ! Although, to be fair, I did go to bed around 9:30 PM and tried to sleep, but I kept twisting and turning in bed and started having crazy dreams which woke me up in like 2 hours. After that I thought of talking to someone and well, most people I could talk to late at night have slept (because unlike me, people are not crazy on a Monday night!). Also, in my defense, I feel sick, something in my throat bothering me ! Seems like I gotta take care of myself. This is kinda my self reflection time, late at night time. Usually this happens on either a Friday or a Saturday. But now I'm part of a crazy group at work so my weekends have started being the craziest part of my week. Like one of the weekends we went camping. And while camping is a lot of fun, we were dangerou...

What if I did not have so many rules on myself or maybe, that I knew how to break those rules and fly and that, I knew exactly what I wanted for myself that I was a bit patient in deciding how to start working on me What if I knew how to let go of things, to move on from hoarding my prized possessions and not over-dramatizing my connection to everything that walked some distance with me. Or maybe, I wasn't as stingy as I am being possessive with items and words that speak a ton about me. What if I could go back in time and change that thing which is still holding me back from my greatest feat and also give me hindsight on what I have yet to accomplish. Or maybe, help me with my social relationships so I could use theirs and learn to be what I was meant to be.

I think I get it why I don't have friends my age seems like I am very different and still the same from what everyone my age does especially not a challenge as stupid as staying mute for 30 days straight, which I don't know why I started and have no idea what I would gain from and still I try to fit in to every friend circle I see that doesn't need me Maybe it was how I was brought up how my parents tried to push me, to make more friends but I had no courage to ask someone, anyone to be a better friend, to be that special person who would listen to me when I'm sad and when I'm happy and share his or her feelings all day everyday with me. Or maybe it is because of the fact that I can't hangout with folks my age because I don't like the things they do anymore, like staying up all night to complete their Game of Thrones. I am like an old person who has a fixed time of sleep and waking up and lives everyday like a planned f...