The two undelivered messages | Heart and Brain in conflict | Story Finale

"Hi Shikha,

It has been a while since we talked, or since you picked up my calls or responded to my texts. 

You know, I remember our walk down the lane to your house. I remember thinking that I will try to do anything I can to keep her in my life. The last three dates with her have been so close to perfect, I don't even want to get to perfect! I like spending time with her, like to look at her play with her hair. That tells me she likes me too. Her here refers to you, BTW.

I liked it so much when we held hands for the first time. I could feel goosebumps! I remember how we walked together silently for a while, holding each other together. I did not have to say anything to you. You did not have to say anything to me. At the same time, both of us knew what was going on. At a certain point of time, I thought you could have felt my heartbeat as well. Not sure, but I felt my heart beat so loudly when you kept your hand on my chest. 

Then something unspeakable happened with you! I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't stop it either. You know, you're the only person I thought of the next morning who I thought could help me with the trauma I carried. I would've felt so loved if only you could have heard me out. I would've felt so relieved if only you could have been there to help me through. But, no point on shedding tears to that anymore. I think most of my voicemails will do that for me already. 

I wish I had a chance to talk to you again. At least once before leaving India, so I could apologize to you in person. But, I think that is something I will have to accept and just move on. Seem to be learning new things about myself. For example, just learnt that I cannot fix everything, I cannot make everyone feel better, and the more I try, the more I am digging a hole for myself.

Thank you for the three dates!

- A"

"Hi Ishani,

It has been a while since we talked, or since I received any of your calls, or responded to any of your texts.

I have always been there for you. At least I gave whatever I could to make you feel comfortable and loved. I thought I was doing it for you. Now that reality has kicked me in the butt, I understand that I was doing it to make myself feel better. I genuinely wanted to help you. I used to think that is the best part of being me. Now, I consider that as a flaw in my personality. 

I went through something that day. I cannot really say what. For a long time I lost a trust that I had in myself. This past month has been a torture. I have been so affected by this thing that I have not been able to concentrate on anything. I know I did this for myself, and I made a decision that I should not have made. I also know that I cannot blame you for what happened. Anyway, I'm just going to go back to my bubble and try to fix whatever I did to myself.

You were right about one thing, though. I did love you! Thank you for making me realize that.

- A"

Both the messages had blue ticks now, which told him the messages were read. He put a status with a famous line from The Terminator. Then he closed the app and made himself more comfortable on the executive class seat of the Air India flight to Chicago. 

"If I don't just do it, I won't be able to do it.", He was on a roller coaster in his head if he should delete this app right now. Then he took out his phone again, checked WhatsApp for a brief moment, and exit the application. He now scrolled down to the android phone tray to the app. He long pressed on the app.

An alert popped up on the screen which asked him if he wanted to continue to uninstall the app. As he took a moment to read the message on the alert, two notifications popped on his screen. 

There was a WhatsApp message from Ishani and one from Shikha.

As he saw the messages, he felt a strong urge to hit cancel and reply. But, he had made up his mind to delete the app, and so he selected "Uninstall" in the options. Both the notifications disappeared from his phone.

He put his phone on Airplane mode, and remembered the fun times he had with his family in the last couple of months he was in India. He wiped a tear that was trickling down his right cheek. Quietly smiled, comfortably set his neck pillow, and buckled up for the fifteen hour flight ahead of him.