It's Killing Me...
Today is supposedly the last day of my life. I am having a deadly disease which the doctor said was curable, but I've lost all hopes. I'll be dieing at the age of twenty seven. I have cancer and almost all the people related to me somehow know it, which includes my mother, father, that friend who is always going to the office with me, my ex-girlfriend who was actually cheating on me and my therapist.
I don't want to die, but I do not want to bear the pain this cancer thing is giving me since the past six weeks. I just want to get over with it. I remember the first day I got to know of this bloody thing. I was on my morning jog as usual but my sides were troubling me so much. I told my friend about it while he was driving us to the office and he asked me to consult a doctor. That evening was the worst one I had ever imagined. I don't know what name the doctor took. It was a pretty difficult one, so I had him write it on the page for me. The doctor said that they would first try to cure it with the chemo-therapy and then would think of a surgery. The cost of chemo was good but I had enough insurances to cover it for me. He also advised me to consult a therapist as it was better to get out with my feelings. I searched up the disease when I came back home and found out that my chances of living were fifty percent. So, I didn't yet know if I was gonna die or not. I told this to my girl friend who was living with me since the past year. The next day, I told it to my friend and in a couple of days, I told it to my parents. I was not able to see the look on my parents' face that day. I am not able to forget that thing, not even when I am just about to go through a surgery tomorrow.
This morning my friend came to pick me up. While in the car, I remembered that book I saw on his table last night. He always seemed so happy with me just like he did not care about the cancer, but he was reading a book on cancer and how he could help me through it. I never knew it, or maybe he just didn't want me to know it. I'll miss him so much. He stopped in front of the hospital entrance. I took a moment. Maybe I just wanted to hug him for the last time. I still remember when I had thrown my ex-girlfriend out of my house and I had no one to talk to, and I badly wanted some one to just sit by me and listen to what I was babbling. I hadn't called him, but he had sensed that I would be alone and had come over. There was no other reason he would be here, for the next ten hours, than to just hope to see me alive right after those terrible ten hours. He is the best friend anyone could get and I am so happy he is my friend.
I got off the car, he went to park it. My mother and my father were standing right there in front of the entrance. I saw their faces, it was clearly not easy for any of them. It seemed as though my mother had been crying the whole night. I asked my mother to smile and told my parents that no matter what happens today, I loved both of them and even today I'd do anything for them to make them smile back at me and say that they were proud of me. The doctors were busy with their appointment right now, so we had to wait. While in the waiting room, I thought of that beautiful therapist. She was very sweet. I had called her last night, to tell her my situation and to talk to her for the last time. I think I have started liking her, but I wouldn't be able to tell her that I love her. She's way too sweet for me and someone told me that a sweet girl would not be my type.
While thinking all of this, I decided to write a blog to let everyone know or maybe just because I was feeling bored and I had not written since long. While writing this, some really nice memories popped into my head. I remember my father always used to say, do whatever you want to do in life just don't sit idle, keep doing something. My mother used to fight with me a lot and at times I got very irritated with her pampering, but she has been the sweetest of all the women I have ever met. I first got a feeling I was going to die after the cancer thing happened to me and yet another instance was the death of the old man with whom I used to have chemo every week. He just did not turn up one evening and the nurse told me that his heart had stopped last night and so he had died. That was the day I realised that I was going to die too and the next week I am here writing this blog telling all the world about this tragic thing thinking people would read it.
I'll stop now, I've got a signal to get ready. I won't probably be getting to know what's gonna happen inside that operation theatre but whatever happens, I'm ready for it.
I don't want to die, but I do not want to bear the pain this cancer thing is giving me since the past six weeks. I just want to get over with it. I remember the first day I got to know of this bloody thing. I was on my morning jog as usual but my sides were troubling me so much. I told my friend about it while he was driving us to the office and he asked me to consult a doctor. That evening was the worst one I had ever imagined. I don't know what name the doctor took. It was a pretty difficult one, so I had him write it on the page for me. The doctor said that they would first try to cure it with the chemo-therapy and then would think of a surgery. The cost of chemo was good but I had enough insurances to cover it for me. He also advised me to consult a therapist as it was better to get out with my feelings. I searched up the disease when I came back home and found out that my chances of living were fifty percent. So, I didn't yet know if I was gonna die or not. I told this to my girl friend who was living with me since the past year. The next day, I told it to my friend and in a couple of days, I told it to my parents. I was not able to see the look on my parents' face that day. I am not able to forget that thing, not even when I am just about to go through a surgery tomorrow.
This morning my friend came to pick me up. While in the car, I remembered that book I saw on his table last night. He always seemed so happy with me just like he did not care about the cancer, but he was reading a book on cancer and how he could help me through it. I never knew it, or maybe he just didn't want me to know it. I'll miss him so much. He stopped in front of the hospital entrance. I took a moment. Maybe I just wanted to hug him for the last time. I still remember when I had thrown my ex-girlfriend out of my house and I had no one to talk to, and I badly wanted some one to just sit by me and listen to what I was babbling. I hadn't called him, but he had sensed that I would be alone and had come over. There was no other reason he would be here, for the next ten hours, than to just hope to see me alive right after those terrible ten hours. He is the best friend anyone could get and I am so happy he is my friend.
I got off the car, he went to park it. My mother and my father were standing right there in front of the entrance. I saw their faces, it was clearly not easy for any of them. It seemed as though my mother had been crying the whole night. I asked my mother to smile and told my parents that no matter what happens today, I loved both of them and even today I'd do anything for them to make them smile back at me and say that they were proud of me. The doctors were busy with their appointment right now, so we had to wait. While in the waiting room, I thought of that beautiful therapist. She was very sweet. I had called her last night, to tell her my situation and to talk to her for the last time. I think I have started liking her, but I wouldn't be able to tell her that I love her. She's way too sweet for me and someone told me that a sweet girl would not be my type.
While thinking all of this, I decided to write a blog to let everyone know or maybe just because I was feeling bored and I had not written since long. While writing this, some really nice memories popped into my head. I remember my father always used to say, do whatever you want to do in life just don't sit idle, keep doing something. My mother used to fight with me a lot and at times I got very irritated with her pampering, but she has been the sweetest of all the women I have ever met. I first got a feeling I was going to die after the cancer thing happened to me and yet another instance was the death of the old man with whom I used to have chemo every week. He just did not turn up one evening and the nurse told me that his heart had stopped last night and so he had died. That was the day I realised that I was going to die too and the next week I am here writing this blog telling all the world about this tragic thing thinking people would read it.
I'll stop now, I've got a signal to get ready. I won't probably be getting to know what's gonna happen inside that operation theatre but whatever happens, I'm ready for it.
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