Her

"I think I might have done it now...", I thought.

I was trying to train a neural network. I have been trying to do that since the past month, but in some way, I am always hindered by a different plan to do something better. This was my first model that I developed. Wrote about a hundred lines of code and run it on the terminal of my operating system. Within seconds hundreds of lines were displayed and my computer screen screamed that it was out of memory. Sadly, the good things in life always come with a cost. "I would now have to run this on a system with more memory (RAM) !", I said to myself mimicing a voice that was heavier than my own. Little did I know, that whatever I was trying to do was going to tear me apart in the coming few weeks.

The screen popped a few messages and my network started training. I sat back on my chair and relaxed thinking about what my life would have been had I not taken up this project. I wouldn't have been running to college everyday, even on Saturdays and Sundays just to run a single program and keep checking it from time to time. At least staying at home would have been a lot relaxing. I haven't watched a movie since the past three weeks. People who know me well, know that I watch a movie every day, and it would have been quite surprising for them knowing that I haven't. My days and nights are almost the same, I am so desperately waiting for this project to come to an end that I can't sleep at nights even though I cannot do much during night time. I am dead scared of this project not being completed before I leave this university. But, I am still happy that I took this up.

A message pops on my facebook screen. Maseera Ali sent me a message ! She wrote a poem about her seniors and has written a blog post of the same. I had asked her to, a while ago, because I missed her poem on the farewell day. She's a great person. She wrote a peom for people she barely even knows. I remember the first time she introduced herself to me. With a sweet voice she said Hi and asked me something. Something that might have been on her mind and she wanted to do, but also consult her seniors before doing it. A little chat, which was as good as not knowing her. Crossing her in my college corridors a few times, simple hi and hey a few more times, and I get to know she is my junior ! A sweet girl, always talking politely to everyone, straightforward in almost every aspect, I have never seen a girl like her.

Almost a year later, I am teaching my juniors python and she is among one of them, trying to learn more. Attempting to perform better and improve as she learns, she has been one of the most sincere students among all. A few more days, and the third year students get busy enough not to be able to study any more machine learning or python programming. No contacts, no hard feelings, I embark on a journey to improve my deep learning. "That is exactly when I took up this project !", I spoke again in the same heavy voice. That was my day of destruction. That is what has taken all of the life out of me.

Now, even though I feel sad having to leave this place and go along planning and preparing for my future endeavours, I remember some of my juniors, who have changed my life. These were those people I wouldn't have cared about an year ago, but I feel grateful and so full of joy knowing that I was part of their lives. "So, instead of takin....Oh MY GOD !! SHITTT ! I was not hoping this would happen. Shit, now I have to run it all over again !", and I go back to being more than troubled all over again !

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