End of the Pandemic

The school had declared that it was opening up. The Mount Carmel School had stayed closed--or should I say virtual--for I believe the longest time. They just did not want to take any risk at all! And I think that was a very thoughtful thing to do. None of the parents would have to make a decision between sending their kids to school or keeping it virtual. The school had also very smoothly moved to being virtual, almost as if they were prepared for that situation, which I believe is a good thing!

Finally! I had been waiting for this for a very long time. After almost a year and a half of staying at home, I was going to be physically at school for the final school year of my life. It actually seemed like a dream come true for the longest time. I was going to meet all my friends after so long. We knew we were going to plan a lot of things together, all those things that we had been putting off since the beginning of this pandemic. I personally had a lot of things on my mind. The biggest of all, I'm gonna see Sakshi again!

The school had given us a month's timeline to completely open up. They were going to set up systems on their end, have everything sanitized, set the classes in order. Since they had also grown since the last one and a half year, they had to also accommodate for the new students coming in. Also, even though the school was opening, they were opening in bits--meaning they were having us twelfth graders start in about a month from today, which was officially the start date for the school year, and then after about a week having the eleventh graders come in and so on. It seemed like they were taking utmost care even while everyone started to get back in!

I, on my end, had started preparing! This time, I'm going to tell her everything, she should already know. "I need to do this now!", I kept telling myself. I don't even know if she forgot me, it has been very long, and I didn't have any way to keep in touch with her. I don't even have a phone! You know that weird time when you're preparing to get into the best college for your Bachelor's and you're also going through adulthood--yep, that's where I was! For that month, I kept thinking about how I was gonna tell her. I used to stand in front of the mirror, and try different styles out while talking to her about it. I was going to show her my spot at the terrace where I used to go when I wanted to get away from everything. I had even planned how I was going to ask her to come with me to the spot. I used to talk to all my friends and never mention her or anything I was planning, hoping to keep it a very big surprise for them as well! By the time we were about to go to school, I had it prepared down to every little detail in my head.

And it happens! We go to school! The first day--I am late by 30 minutes. The school guard still lets me in, because of it being the first day. There was no assembly and everyone was in the classroom. My teacher gave me a look when I walked in late, but I ignored her. I was just waiting for the recess. I walked around a bit between classes trying to see if Sakshi had also come to school, and I think I saw her around the corner from her classroom and she vanished when I ran there. During recess, I wasn't able to find her at all. I thought she had not showed up for the day. I mentioned it to my best friend, Sagar, for a bit, and he didn't say anything at all on the topic! I felt bummed, but I thought that maybe she missed the day and would be at school the next day!

The next day, I had forgotten my Math book, so to skip that period, I went to my spot on the terrace, trying to get away from everyone. She was there! What? How did she know about this place? How did she know about my spot? I had no idea, but I was so happy to see her there! I quickly leaped on to hug her real tight! She responded and we stay in that hug for some time. I was so glad to see her! I wanted to move forward with my plan and start telling her how much I had missed her for the past year and a half, but she stopped me. She said she had something in her mind and wanted to share with me. I was super nervous, so I just gave her a slight nod to let her know she should talk. "I love you, Antriksh!", were the first four words out of her mouth after that! WHAT! She just said what I was here to say! We looked at each other for a bit, then both of us slightly leaned forward and kissed! My first kiss, and I felt the happiest! I had been wanting to do this for so long! We decided to meet up again in the seventh period to talk more before the school ended for the day.

When recess started that day, I sat with my best friend and told him everything! He counter-questioned me a lot while I was talking about Sakshi, which I felt was weird, but I kept telling him everything! At the end he says to me, "Bro, Sakshi is dead! You know that, right?" WHAT?!?! "Nahi yaar, abhi toh mil ke aaya mai usse! Sab baat abhi 5 minute pehle hi hui hai! Tu kyun aise bol raha hai?" (translation: No dude, I just met her! All this talk was just about 5 minutes ago! Why are you talking like this?), was the only thing I could come up with in that moment. He called a couple of my other friends around. They all sat me down, and told me how Sakshi had gotten very sick during early April last year. She tried to fight it, but she had gotten very seriously ill. They told me how she was quickly moved to a hospital but couldn't get good medical care and couldn't survive it even for a week! You know when you hear some news and everything around you seems to have gone into slow motion? That's how I was feeling. In that slow motion, a tear from my right eye trickled down my cheek.

Everything around us suddenly started dispersing! Our recess was over and the teacher for the next subject had just walked in. That period, I was the most unresponsive I had ever been in a classroom. I wasn't even able to write. My hands shook when I picked up the pen! I was in deep shock! During that time, my best friend passed me a note. That note read, "Hey, we have known this for a while now. We thought you knew, and had moved on from it! We never brought this, or even her name up in front of you so you don't feel upset! I'm sorry!" I knew they did this for my best, and I knew they wouldn't joke about this for very long, but I had to be sure about this! I sat there, very still. Everything was now moving very slowly around me. I was just waiting for the class to end!

Once that period ended, I went to Sakshi's best friend, Ritika, in another section of twelfth, to confirm this story, which she did! She said that Sakshi got cremated on 13th April! Now I just wanted to get lost! I got out of there and went to my spot. I sat there for a while, all alone, thinking what I had just been told about. After a while, I felt someone beside me. It was Sakshi again! She leaned forward and kissed me! She felt so real! I could hold her, could kiss her, could talk to her, how was she dead ? I asked her if she was really there, and she said she was. I told her that she was dead, and she scoffed it off. When I insisted, and said that she was my imagination, she tried to convince me that she was not! She also mentioned that she missed me a lot during the time we were away. If only I had a phone, we would have talked every day, I thought! And we would have, but right now I wanted to be sure of what was happening! So, I asked her to pinch me real hard! She mentioned that it would hurt. As she got to doing it, and was almost about to pinch me, I closed my eyes, getting ready for it to hurt! But it didn't, at all! I couldn't feel her at all! Why? I thought I felt her when I hugged her, and when I kissed her! Why wasn't it happening any more? Was it really my imagination?

At this point, I realized that I was hallucinating, took a hold of my senses and said to her, that this was not what I expected. I did not know this at all! She tried to convince me that she loved me, and another tear trickled down my left cheek. Now both of my eyes were producing tears! I looked at her through those tears. She looked as beautiful as ever! I could never forget those light brown eyes, that beautiful smile, which sometimes showed her perfect teeth, and those cheeks that I would forever want to keep kissing! I smiled through those tears, looked at her one last time, then closed my eyes and said, "I so wish that you loved me too! Now, I will never know, and I will never be able to ask you either!"